


Tradition

by Cookiemonster2000



Series: Zim likes Gaz. That is All [3]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: >:), Alien Cultural Differences, F/M, Flustered Zim, Mistletoe, Parties, evil plots that aren't actually all that well thought out, holiday parties, let the mutual pining begin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22073278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookiemonster2000/pseuds/Cookiemonster2000
Summary: Zim infiltrates the Membrane holiday house party and finds himself hating it. Luckily, there might be room for two in Gaz's hiding spot behind the sofa.
Relationships: GIR & Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: Zim likes Gaz. That is All [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574773
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	1. Incident

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST ZAGR FANFIC OF THIS DECADE BROS HAHAHAHAHA 
> 
> VICTORY!!!
> 
> a second (shorter) chapter of the aftermath will be published as soon as i finish it. :)

The suit was somewhat itchy and uncomfortable on his skin, especially after wearing his Irken military uniform for so long. Zim groaned loudly and fiddled with the pink tie around his neck.

“This outfit is the worst thing I’ve _ever_ had to put on my body. GIR, if you even touch my human meat sack robot suits again--”

“No time, Mastah! We gotta get you some MAKEUP!” The little robot popped out from behind the door with a bag stuffed full of facial products. Minimoose appeared behind him.

“Nyeh!”

“NO, GIR!” he shouted, backing up quickly. “I know what happened last time I used one of those THINGS you ordered from TV!! STAY AWAY!”

As he scampered out, slamming the door behind him, GIR giggled.

“They grow up soooo fast.”

“Nyeh.”

* * *

  
  


There was a crowd filing into the Membrane home already, so Zim squeezed in between a couple of the humans, falling into step beside them. When the smell of cologne and perfume hit him, he grimaced but forced himself not to scream aloud in disgust. He would have to survive it.

He only had a matter of time before the Dib would catch sight of him--naturally, the Dib-Stink would not leave his home base unprotected in the event of a party such as this. The worm baby was dumb, but not that dumb. No, Zim had to work fast--swiping a key to Membrane Labs from somewhere in the house shouldn’t be too difficult, and the reward was oh-so-tempting. The amount of weapons that the filthy Dib procured and used against him that he never could have built for himself was ridiculous, but Zim had finally figured out a way to completely null the human’s efforts--if he had the same weapons, or better yet, some kind of way to disable them, he would never have to worry about being interrupted again!

Zim was so caught up in reimagining the look on Dib-stink’s face when he realized all of his weapons were useless that he nearly jumped out of his skin when a man tapped him on the shoulder.

“What do you want??” he shouted.

“Oh, I was just wondering if I could get to the punch!” he grinned.

The alien glanced behind him--sure enough, he was blocking the drinks table by standing in the middle of the floor. A swooping sensation in his squeedly-spooch accompanied the realization that couple of individuals were giving him funny looks from around the room.

“Ex...cuse me,” he managed to choke out, stepping aside.

“Oh, it’s no problem, no problem at all!” he replied cheerfully. “So, did you see the game last night?”

“The game??--I mean, oh, yes, of course, the game! What a... _game_ it was.”

“What’s your team?” Without waiting for a response, the man continued on, smile never faltering. “I’m a big Badger’s fan. Been one my whole life! My dad used to love that team--and his dad before him actually met THE Ham White before he’d founded them. Can you believe that?”

Zim blinked at him.

“Do the words you’re saying have any meaning, or--”

“Ha! What a guy. Yup, it’s hard to believe it’s been so long since the good old game really got started. You a big fan of feetsball?”

“I love it!!” He exclaimed, sweating bullets. “Oh, I love it so… Very much.”

“Man! So do I.” The man’s smile was beginning to unsettle Zim, but luckily, his attention was diverted. “Hey, Frank! How’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s going all right. Did you see the Badger’s game last night?”

“Boy, did I!” the man said happily as he moved away. Zim let out a breath of relief and took one step--into another conversation.

“Kathy--I mean, ladies, you know how I feel about gossip, but she really did it this time.” a woman sighed deeply, rubbing her temples with one hand and holding her glass in another.

“You poor dear, what happened?” another woman directly behind Zim said, startling him. He was caught in the middle of a circle of them!!

“Well, she sent my Timothy the rudest email about my piano lessons.” She let out a fake sniff. “I can’t even begin to get into it.”

One of the ladies shook her head angrily. “What a woman. Her pecan pie can’t begin to make up for this.”

“But what did she say?”

The first woman took a long sip of her drink. The others waited in silence while she finished. 

“Aah,” she sighed, finally swallowing, “it’s too painful!”

“I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing--” one of them began.

“No, I’ll tell you! You all need to know.”

The others shuffled in closer, and Zim managed to squeeze out of the circle, tripping over his own feet and barely managing to stay standing as he brushed past another couple of people chatting.

“The weather has been crazy recently!” one said, shaking his head.

“I know! Since when did we get so much snow this time of year?”

“Two inches isn’t enough to get the kids out of school, but it’s enough to trip me on my way to the car!” The two laughed together.

“I can feel… braincells… dying!!” Zim moaned under his breath, looking for a way out. “There’s no way I can find the keys with--”

“Zim?”

“GAH!” He jumped. “I mean no, I am NOT Zim! I am--ehh?”

Instead of the unfriendly, disgusting Dib-face he was expecting, Zim opened one eye to be greeted with the Gaz-human’s confused one, peeking out from behind a piece of furniture. She was kneeling on the floor behind the sofa, sitting on her legs as her soft green party dress splayed out around her, getting dusty from the floor. Once he looked her in the face, it disappeared as she popped back into hiding.

Zim, glancing around and with some misgivings, bent down and crawled behind the sofa to join her. She was playing some video game on her phone and didn’t bother to look up at him as he appeared.

“What are you even doing here?” she asked in the same vaguely curious tone. “This is supposed to be a party for Dad’s investors.”

“It was remarkably easy to sneak in!! Your father, though _supposedly_ holding superhuman intelligence, is quite stupid.”

“You’re telling me.”

Zim blinked in surprise at her somewhat bitter agreement, but let the instant question that leapt to his lips die before he had a chance to open his mouth when one of the adults shifted close enough to hear him. By the time the crowd had moved away a bit, he had forgotten the thought entirely.

Gaz had found herself the perfect spot to hide out and avoid interaction. But of course she did--she had significant experience hiding from other people during skool on the playground and when she was dragged out by her brother on outings. Zim knew as much from what he had happened to notice in his day-to-day routine.

“I have decided to grace you with my presence for a while,” he announced, plopping himself down a comfortable distance from where she sat. Gaz shrugged and kept her eyes on her device, but he sensed her shoulders tense a bit.

“Why are you dressed differently than usual?” he asked, because it was _boring_ just sitting and watching her play.

She didn't even pause. “I don’t know, Zim. Why are _you_ dressed differently?”

He glanced down at his outfit. “I had to blend in with the disgusting business adult humans for a disguise! You had no such mission, so you have no reason to be in anything but your comfortable casual attire.”

“This is Dad’s party,” she explained shortly. “It wouldn’t look good if I was just sitting around in my regular clothes.”

“I did not think the Gaz-Demon cared about how she was perceived.”

Her nostrils flared. That was strike one. “I _don’t_ care.”

“Then, why?” he pushed.

“Dad wants me to make a good impression on his investors.”

Ah. Zim nodded knowingly. “I see! Your taller superior forced you in order to use you and manipulate these ‘investors’ into helping him!”

Her scowl deepened a tiny bit. “Nobody can force me to do _anything_.”

“But you just said--”

“Forget it, Zim.”

He fell silent. Even though it was somewhat cramped, it was infinitely more comfortable here with the single human he could _maybe_ tolerate than out there, being forced to “mingle” with sweaty, smelly creatures he couldn’t wait to enslave.

“Parties are awful.” he spat.

She merely grunted in agreement.

“What are all the filthy worm-babies even _talking_ about?” he complained. “They say things that don’t matter and no one cares! One could be driven _insane_.”

“Yeah.”

“They just keep on talking, and talking, and _talking_ about annoying things in their annoying voices and never shutting up!! How can anybody even _stand_ it?”

“I guess you get used to it.” Gaz replied.

“Hm?” Zim turned towards her. “What did you say?”

She was smiling a bit, which was strange, so he paid attention. “Did I say something funny?”

“A little.”

He puffed out his chest. Not just anyone could make the constantly unhappy Gaz-Demon smile with amusement. “Zim is the master of comedy, is he not?”

“Sure.”

His face lit up, but he quickly coughed to cover it. “Ahem!! Yes. You are correct in your assessment! I am going to bring doom upon your brother tonight, were you aware?”

She glanced up from the device for a moment, and for a second, he thought he caught a hint of fear flitting through her expression as her eyes flicked upwards. But it was gone in an instant, and Zim assumed he must have imagined it.

“Yes, DOOM!” He ignored her lack of a verbal response and continued bragging. “I am going to find the key to your Earth-father’s labs and break in! I will then take the information I need to shut down any weapon there so that your disgusting brother will never be able to use his family’s technology against me again.”

“Ok, Zim,” she said absentmindedly.

“Hm? Aren’t you going to CONGRATULATE me on my incredible--”

But Gaz lowered her phone and leaned over, pressing her lips into his cheek. Before he had time to realize what was happening, she had pulled back and gone right back to her phone game, the only clue to what had just transpired in the faint pinkness of her face.

Zim realized his mouth was hanging open and shook his head rapidly to clear the unexplainable heat from his cheeks. “What was THAT??” he demanded.

“Mistletoe,” she explained, jerking her head up. Zim looked up to see a plant was suspended up on the ceiling, directly over his head.

“What is this… MISTLETOE? And why did it force you to--to-- to do whatever it was you just did??”

“It’s tradition,” she said. “It’s the rules. You have to kiss anybody you find yourself under mistletoe with.”

“That’s…” He touched his face lightly. “That’s a _stupid_ tradition! What’s wrong with your planet?? Your species is _disgusting_!!”

“I don’t make the rules, Zim,” she replied, unbothered.

The air felt. . . different. He had to get out. Zim leapt to his feet, nearly hitting his head on the couch.

“The almighty ZIM must go and finish his mission!! Forget everything I told you at once.”

She ignored him, but that was normal. He tripped backwards in his haste to escape, elbow hitting the wall hard.

He ignored the conversations going on around him and searched for all of three minutes before Dib caught sight of him rummaging around in his closet and tackled him to the ground.

He never did get the keys, but he did manage to swipe one of Dib's buttons off his jacket in the tussle, which was almost as good.


	2. Afterword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Zim left the party, both parties are left with the memory of what occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short. i thought i'd have membrane be the one to talk to gaz, but the asshole didn't show up. I realized I'd forgotten to write him into the party at all. He probably pulled a me and showed up for the first half hour, then retreated back to his lab for a quick introvert break and forgot to come back up.

“COMPUTER!!” Zim tore the bow tie off of his person, flinging it to the ground in disgust.

“What is it now.”

“Locate and relay all information about human. . . kissing traditions.” He snorted and dusted off his pants, which had gotten filthy in his little squabble with the Dib. “I must understand why the Gaz-human did what she did. It was very strange.”

“Oooooh!!” GIR helpfully plucked a chunk of dirt off Zim’s jacket, tossing it into his mouth. “What’d she dooo?”

The alien’s face lit up a deeper green. “It’s not important!!” he coughed into his hand. “I need to know for research purposes.”

“Done,” the computer droned. “Kissing underneath mistletoe is a common tradition among humans. It has traces of Greek, Roman, and Celtic origins. Many variations exist, but most commonly, when two people are caught under it, they must exchange a kiss.”

“Must?” Zim demanded. “Nothing can force the Gaz-human to do anything she does not want! She told me so herself. WHAT IS THIS??”

“Maybe some traditions are important to her,” the computer suggested.

GIR was starry-eyed. “You KISSED Gazzy??” he gasped.

“What? No! No!! She kissed ME!!” Zim defended himself, waving his arms frantically and trying to cover his now blush-covered face. “She assaulted me with her dirty hyooman LIPS!!”

“She’s got LIPS???” GIR exclaimed.

“Nyeh!”

“SILENCE, ALL OF YOU!!” 

* * *

Dib finished brushing off his coat and surveyed over the destroyed living room, beaming.

“I did it, Gaz!”

“You sure did,” she replied, not looking up from her phone. “There’s no way Zim can infiltrate our party if there’s no party to infiltrate. You sure are smart.”

“Oh, quit it!” Dib waved his hand at his sister affectionately. “The important thing is that he can’t get into our lab.”

“You literally chased everyone away with your terrible, terrible screams.” Gaz pointed out. She was seated on half of the sofa--the other half, severed with some laser gun Zim had unleashed, had smashed through the wall. “And now you can see into the downstairs bathroom through the hole in the wall.”

“Look on the bright side!” he responded cheerfully. “Now we won’t have to walk all the way through the hall to get to it!”

Gaz grumbled and slumped lower in her seat.

“By the way,” he asked, making his way over the rubble to take a seat next to her. “What happened?”

“What?” She stiffened. “What do you mean, what happened?”

“I saw Zim come out of your regular hiding spot.” His tone was light, surprisingly light. “Were you two hanging out or something?”

“What? No. Never.” Gaz shook her head and made a face. “Never!”

“Oh. Does that mean you can’t spy on him for me?”

This time, she did look up--only to fix him with a glare.

“I’ll… take that as a ‘no.’”

“Yeah, you should.” She snorted. “I don’t care about helping you with your weird stalkery-thing. If I was friends with Zim--which I’m _not_ , by the way--do you really think I’d still side with _you_?”

Dib’s face dropped. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Huh.” He leaned back, slowly untying his bowtie. “These outfits are stuffy.”

“Tell me about it.” she said sarcastically.

“You know, I couldn’t help but notice that Zim looked really unhinged when he came out from behind the sofa. Something really shook him up. Did you give him a good spook?”

Gaz’s face crumpled into a vicious sneer. “What I may or may not have done is none of your business, _idiot_ . Zim’s just an alien freak who doesn’t understand anything about humans or ever accomplish anything meaningful, and that’s never going to change. So just _give it up_ already.”

Dib, however, had tuned her out and was now looking dreamily at the ceiling. “Okay, Gaz, whatever you say. All I need to know is I can count on you to rile him up if worst comes to worst.”

Shockingly, she stayed completely silent. Dib instinctively flinched, expecting a blow, but one never came. He looked over and nearly gasped audibly when he caught sight of her flushed pink face and open eyes, staring at her slightly cracked phone case.

“Gaz?”

“That party was exhausting,” she spat, standing up abruptly. “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s only eight-thirty, though. Gaz? What’s wrong?”

She pushed past him and stormed up to her room. The quiet would be a nice change to the party (and the fight that had caused all the guests to run screaming from their home). She would go upstairs, play video games for hours, and then doze off on her bed with her phone in her lap.

Everything was surely the same as it always had been.

… Why wouldn’t it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then she sat awake and thought about Zim for an hour.


End file.
